A year ago today we were celebrating. Celebrating that our dossier was on its way to Ethiopia. By this time next year we'll be home with our baby - that was our thought. When will we ever learn? We've put our life on hold for years now to wait. And wait. And wait. To finally receive and then lose it all. To wait. Again. And wait. Indefinitely...
I have no idea how long the wait will last. But I do know that we will receive our child in His perfect timing and not before. So no more putting things on hold - I'm taking next week off from work to have fun! I'm not worrying about saving vacation days for later this year for travel. I've closed the door to our daughter's room and instead I'm focusing on enjoying this wonderful time with our son - this remaining time that Sam will be an only child.
I remember when I was pregnant - I was in my 8th month when suddenly I realized that I had not enjoyed my pregnancy at all. It dawned on me that I should be savoring every moment of my pregnancy and remembering how it feels to have this little person inside of me. You know, that indescribable feeling of having a baby moving and kicking and how wonderful that is. I promised myself then that for my next pregnancy I would not "wish it away" and only focus on the birth but instead would enjoy the journey. Well, that next pregnancy never happened. But I just had the revelation that I need to apply the same principle to our adoption journey.
Therefore, my new mission is to enjoy life. Sounds like a no brainer - right? Well, when you're always looking ahead it's easy to miss what's going on all around you. So, I'm going to enjoy being a wife, enjoy being a mom to my sweet boy, and will I enjoy getting the call and hearing of our new daughter? Oh yeah! But...let's not get ahead of ourselves.
3 comments:
Hi Susan,
It's so great to see your post. You sound like you have a renewed sense of hope and are committed to living in the present. Although I haven't experienced your situation, I certainly empathize with your feelings. I understand the desire to save the vacation days and try to plan out the adoption, all the while sacrificing the present. I look forward to being able to congratulate you soon on a new referral.
-Kathy (CHI PAP)
You are certainly VERY close now!!! There can't be that many girl families ahead of you!!! Can't wait to read all about your CALL!!
We can totally relate with you guys. It's almost like our lives have been on hold the past 7 years waiting for a child. This time last year, we were in the mindset that we would be parents by now and still we wait, and wait, and WAIT. We've saved our vacation this year thinking that we would need it for travel but alas, as the fiscal year winds down, we have to use it or lose it. We decided to have one last hurrah in Mexico and we leave next week. After waiting 7 years, I think we deserve a nice vacation for a change. Here's to hoping for more referrals in the coming week. Both of us are in the top 10 now, so hopefully the wait will be very short. Hang in there!
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