Restless

There's not a whole lot going on with the adoption. Oh, there have been referrals and I guess we keep moving up the list but I'm just not feeling it right now. I guess I'm just in a funk. I can't really explain it. I'm tired. I feel stuck. Like our wheels are spinning but we're not going anywhere. Like months keep passing by and we're not getting any closer to our baby. Last summer, I really thought we'd have a February referral. Then I thought it would be more like May. Now, I honestly don't have a clue. June? July? Will we spend another Christmas without our Alison? I really hate being negative and I know this is just a mood and it will pass but it's still hard in the meantime.

I was just looking at our adoption timeline and I noticed that it has been 3 years since we attended our first adoption information meeting. I remember walking out of the church that spring day feeling excited and optimistic and so sure of our adoption plan and just knowing that we were on the path to bring home our daughter from China. My, how things have changed!

This journey has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. It just came to me as I was writing this - it's been hard, but I'm still here, still plodding along and I will NOT give up until Alison is home. A favorite Joyce Meyer quote just came to mind: "Perseverance is the key to victory." So here I am. Persevering!

I entitled this post "Restless". And I've been feeling that way too. You know, like I should be doing something. Not in relation to the adoption, just something. Like I should be doing more. More to help the poor and orphaned and unloved. Like I should take charge and control and start something great, but I just don't know what! I'm praying that I find it, whatever it may be!